Since we are still new to the parenting thing, I am in need of advice. It is coming with the new toddler stage. T.J. is a really good boy most of the time! He is so much fun and I love being his mom. But one thing I am not used to yet are temper tantrums. I am not surprised he gets them, he probably gets it from me (I'm the more impatient of between Steve and I).
Has anyone read any good books about behavior/tantrums for kids?
How long is a long or normal tantrum?
T.J. LOVES playing in the car. That is his obsession lately, and also what most of his tantrums stem from. I let him play in there (with the windows rolled down and under supervision, obviously) sometimes, but he can't always play in the car. It is starting to frustrate me that he throws such huge tantrums after coming in the house from playing, or from just not being allowed to stay out there and play when we get home from driving somewhere. Should I just never let him play in them anymore, or what? I was hoping if I let him play in them enough he would just get bored of it eventually...but that hasn't happened yet. His first words to me quite often when he gets up from his crib are "cah? cah?" He just loves it. He always asks to play there. But I just don't know how to balance it out. We dread going into the garage for anything, because it will often start either a tantrum or just a small fit about wanting to go out to the car. I dread taking him on errands because he gets so mad about coming in the house after. He is getting too big for me in my pregnant state to force him into his car seat, so a lot of the time I have to bribe him with snacks to sit in there without arching his back and fighting me to play in there. (I don't love this tactic of parenting! :)
Anyways there is my venting post and also need for any advice any of you have to offer.
FEBRUARY 2025
10 months ago
8 comments:
I swear TJ and Cheyenne are twins! She just started throwing tantrums too! She hasn't gotten into playing in the car at all thank goodness, that sounds horrible! We were in a hotel the other day (just her and I) and she started to throw a tantrum and I didn't know what to do, she was hitting her fists together and throwing herself on the bed and when she looked at me she looked like she hated me, I just wanted to comfort her, but I just made her more mad when I would look at her or talk to her, it was so sad:(
I think most children throw tantrums sometimes. It's definitely a toughy. I suggest praying about it. Somethings that helped me (read it in a magazine) are just walking away from it, and they don't get payback for it. Sometimes I had children who were really tired who had tantrums forever--like an hour. I thought something was wrong with them (they would wake up from sleep) My children put theirs in a room away from you til they calm down.
Tantrums are the worst! But, they are totally normal. Gracie would have some that would carry on for 30 minutes or more. It's not fun, but I generally just walked away and ignored it. I wasn't about to give her any attention for behaving like that, positive or negative. Then, we'd give big hugs when she was behaving like a nice, little girl, again.
I think the most important thing is that you can't give in and give them what they want because they throw a fit. They will figure that out sooo quickly and you'll pay big time for it. Set the rules and stick with it. It's not easy when they start to cry, but you can do it. It's better for him.
Build him a car of his own out of cardboard boxes, let him decorate the outside with crayons
Kalaya throws really bad tantrums too. All the things that I have read are consistent in certain areas. Tantrums are normal and they can last for a long time. Children TJ's age are just discovering that they actually have a choice in things and that they do want to do something or they don't. One thing that I remember from my child development class is that they feel their emotions very strong and usually don't even understand what they are feeling so that makes them even more frustrated. Like other people have said the best thing to do is ignore the tantrum so he doesn't get attention and so he realizes that his tantrum won't get him what he wants. When I try to ignore Kalaya she usually follows me around and grabs my legs and won't let me ignore her so I started putting her in another room and shutting the door. I tell her that when she is ready to stop crying then she can come out and play. The first few times she screamed for a long time and when she finally got quiet I went in and we hugged and I made sure to give her some positive attention. Now when I put her in another room she stops crying right away. Any way that is what I do. :) Oh yeah one thing I heard and has worked well is when you are playing in the car or just doing any activity make sure to give a little warning that it will be time to stop soon. Say the same thing each time. I say to the girls one more minute and it will be time to go inside, or clean up, or whatever we are doing. I don't wait an exact minute sometimes it is more or less, but it lets them know what is coming so they don't suddenly have to stop when they are not prepared.
Aww! It sounds so familiar. My answer: "low tone, no emotion" and be consistent! Sarah would be mine for sure. I have to act like I don't care and our stool has become my "what do I do with her". I just put her there to let her think about it(for as many minutes as she is old). When I go back I calmly remind her why she's there and we talk about it. When she was learning to sit there I would just keep replacing her there over and over and act like I didn't care. Huge trick is to not talk her at all or make eye contact! It only took me a few times at this before she knew (spencer too) that the stool means business. They never ever get up anymore.
Not sure the car thing is really a stool matter. I'd probably just come inside and let him throw a fit--have a low tone of voice as I told him we weren't going to do that right now. Then show no emotion (atleast try to hide it anyway). :)
If anything, this has helped me remember how to treat my own kids. Thanks.
My advice to you is that the tantrums get easier with each kid. You'll find that you'll have the amazing ability to block them out. It's awesome! Except when you're in a public place and no one else has acquired the same skill.
I think he sounds very normal! My parker (just barely 2 yrs) and Summer's Bridger (same age) both love to play in our cars. We've talked about it before how annoying it is. We hate to go anywhere because it is a fight everytime to get him buckled in. Parker will run to the back so now I just grab him and put him in before he has a chance to get away...probably not nice but too bad! I'm not worried about it though becuase I know he will outgrow it. I usually just try avoid situations that lead to a tantrum or try to distract him if he is upset. Either way it's going to happen. Just be calm and patient!
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